iam J.R. Lewis™

What does it matter? I follow you because I follow what’s beautiful. No shade but your jst beautiful. It doesn’t always have to be a motive.

I can do lists. I can write motivational speeches. Write, rewrite, reblog liberating quotes. All that needs to be done is to start. Question is? How can I start?

You have no life & that you sleep your life away. You know something is wrong. She just told me this not even 30 min. ago. I’m sitting here crying because I don’t know where to start. I do, but it doesn’t feel right. I could have went to the club yesterday but I wouldn’t have had a good time because I don’t like the club. I could have cuddle with some girl, but I knew that I really didn’t like the girl so why waste her time. I can’t do what I want because bills & groceries, etc. comes first. I’ve rewritten this story so many times. I’m tired of writing it myself. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to juggle my responsibility and social with a piece of a check consistently. Yes, all I’m doing is giving out excuses but I can’t help it. I’m all work and no play and I’ve grown accustomed to it.

©J.R. Lewis

Don’t get caught up in cutting people off for the New Year to later find out they were the one’s you should have kept.

I didn’t want to express elaborately false resolutions to you. I didn’t want to shorten my goals like a nonchalant catch phrase. I want to share my resolve because this is what I am going to mentally read to myself everyday till actions becomes it. I want more. Just more. I want to change my outward appearance. I want to change my inward appearance. I want to change my financial appearance. I want to change my collegiate appearence.
I want to change any and everything that’s needs to be changed. I need a push. Once, I’ll start, I won’t stop. I may fail. I may take the wrong path, but I won’t stop. My resolve is to keep moving forward no matter what. Happy New Year.

©J.R. Lewis

Adele sing sweetly in my ear till I fall asleep. Goodnight.

You really think I’m going to welcome you with open arms when I know you only contacting me because you want something. Tuh!

You know how when you say, “I’m done.” You tend to have an ounce of “not yet.” ….that ounce has evaporated. I don’t want that drop of hope to coexist. Gotta let it go.

He comes right on time!!! Thank You, God. I now have an online job. You might as will say a second job. Nothing major, but just enough. I am so very thankful of this opportunity. Let’s see how it goes.

A simmer of thoughts slowly cackling in my head that won’t calm and cool to let me sleep, sleeplessness.

Hi, my name is Jessica and I overeat. It’s gotten bad. Bad to the moment, I’m sick, literally, behind eating. The problem is. I don’t care, I still eat. I’m still eating knowing it’s going to come back up later on. You know, the sour stomach?!? That’s how I know whatever I ate before I shouldn’t eat again. Problem is, I do it anyway. Why? It’s sooooooooo good. As comical as it may sound, I love food. It’s my comfort zone. Food has always been there for me good or bad & now it has become to be a problem, health wise. Even though, it has always been a problem; now, more problems are starting to occur. It’s easier said than done to just stop eating. It’s a lot more to eating than just feeding my face. I don’t know. I have a problem, and I need to fix it.

I’m not going to even lie, I was part of the crowd that wanted to be with somebody around this time of year. Well, it was basically the whole year. Long story shortby, I think I’m just going to throw my towel in. The income & outcome of it all is all pointless and wasteful once you notice how you far you went to be notice by someone. It has become more of outta body experience yelling at myself like wtf are you doing? Has it really come down to this? I don’t like it. A push & pull of wants and needs. For what? For what? To still be lonely. Pathetic and lonely. Ashamed and lonely. Still lonely. Its not worth it. Uninstall. Uninstall. Delete. Delete. Ignore. Ignore. Number change maybe? Start anew? Something because this is not it. I can’t be. I’m more than this. I’m worth the patience.

I don’t think you can love someone else with your whole heart. Where’s the part of your heart that love yourself?

Alright, alright, alright! I’ve just finished my “To-Do” list of what needs to be done as far as Graduate School. The first time was bittersweet. It’s been 2 years since then. It’s time to do it again. I’m aiming for 2 schools around home and 2 schools not so far from home. Seems fair, right? But one of each seems fair as well just in case these emails doesn’t come through in my favor. I want this so bad. Of course, I don’t feel like I am ready. Graduate School is extremely competitive and intimidating. I need  to refine myself in more ways than one but years are passing me by that I can not waste. So, I’m going all in. Go Hard or Go Home, right?!?! Lord, please give me this. I need this, I want this. I’m within reach just let me grab it for once. Amen.